The Hour of the Wolf

Is visiting our house again.  Until last spring it is a concept I had never heard of. It is the hour between night and dawn (3 am - 4 am) when the wolf is supposed to lurk outside peoples's houses, it is also the hour in which most people die and most children are born. It is a time when we are struck with our own worries, our what if's, and all our fears real and imagined. This is the hour that my sister died.

This time it has struck Natalee, for over the past week she has been waking about 3:30 am and wanting someone to sleep with her. The night before last we managed to get her to sleep all the way through the night again. What a blissful experience for all of us. I had attributed it to the magic bottle of spray I put by her bed. But alas it was not to be, again tonight she woke at 3:30 but because we told her to stay in her bed and use the spray she did not come out. But I woke too, I could hear her sobs, soft broken hearted sobs. So I got up and asked her what was the matter, she told me she was lonely and wanted someone to sleep with her. So I climbed into her bed, snuggled her up and off to sleep she went. Which left me wide awake and thinking about my life. Curses, I chronologically went through all my life's disappointments and times of depression. It made me think why do I feel so lonely? It made me wonder what have I done wrong? Why I feel so a drift. The last few years I have attributed that feeling to the losses of my sister and mother.  My mother was a great support to me emotionally. She was someone I could always just pick up the phone and call. Someone who was willing to listen to my fears, my disappointments and my successes. Yes I was blessed with that kind of mother.  I have yet to be able to fill that void.

In my life I have had many friends, some of them I have been very close to but it seems like things happen and we drift apart. I am not sure if it is my doing, life's bowl of cherries - pits and all , or just passage of time. Someday I hope to have one of those friendships, where I can call them up and talk about my life, my disappointments, my sadness, my fears and successes, but that I can also share in their disappointments, sadness, fears and successes. A friend I can be silly with, have a cuppa with, lunch with, go to the movie. Someone who is willing to accept me warts and all.