So much at once.

So around noon today I realized it was mom's one month anniversary of her death. Which might explain why I have been so sad the last few days. I was thinking it was just my hormones - probably both, in addition to daycare issues I've been having. Well I have decided it is best for everyone that I pull Natalee out of the daycare she has been attending one day a week since October when my mom was pretty ill. It was a help for me to have Nat in a place I felt at that time that cared for her and a place that also had some of her buddies there. She'll miss going but like everything in life there is a time to move on...even when you don't want to. Maybe at some point Nat will feel comfortable enough with other children - groups of children, so that I can leave her some place else -- especially when Dave starts his heavy travel schedule - so I can get some things done and also feel like I get a reprieve. It is sad that now it is so difficult to find childcare, I mean even a neighborhood older child that I can trust to be there for my child and that can be dependable. Now a days - boy do I sound old -- no one wants to commit to sitting, they have better things to do (i.e. basketball, theatre, friends, etc, etc). For now we will continue her therapy, continue trying to attend group activities with other children in hopes that her anxiety subsides or becomes manageable. At this time I need to get her to activities really early, prior to other children arriving for her to be comfortable and not be traumatic experience for all involved.